


Baku

by shinigami_yumi



Series: Atonement [3]
Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Bittersweet, Complete, Could Be Canon, Dreamsharing, Flashbacks, M/M, Spoilers, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 13:51:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19769545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinigami_yumi/pseuds/shinigami_yumi
Summary: Romani Archaman tries to figure out the Lostbelts and his feelings.





	Baku

**Author's Note:**

> While talking about Atonement, the idea suddenly struck me that Merlin's meddling in Solomon's dreams could have been what caused Romani's moment of hesitation. It seemed perfect, then, to explore what happens next as part of a unified verse. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Many thanks to [Matsuri_Kuu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Matsuri_Kuu/pseuds/Matsuri_Kuu) for the beta! ♡

Romani wakes to the scent of flowers and a gentle but insistent tapping on his nose. A cheeky grin lights up his lover's face on their shared pillow, and—

_He's so beautiful._

Romani leans in for a kiss, but stops.

Violet eyes blink, curious. “Hm?”

“I—” He hesitates — Merlin will laugh. “I haven't brushed my teeth yet…”

The other snorts and, as predicted, dissolves into mirthful hysteria. “Oh, are you even a Mage, Archaman?” he gasps, holding his sides and wiping his eyes. “Honestly, what do you take me for?” He presses their lips together, and a tingle of Magecraft spreads clean minty freshness all the way down Romani's throat.

_Oh._

He wants to point out that only Merlin would use Magecraft so frivolously, but mm, that can wait — he kisses back eagerly, shifting closer. Merlin is warm, sweet, intoxicating — the languid caress of that tongue, the perfect fit of that comforting embrace… He belongs here, he thinks — they're the only ones alive who can truly understand each other.

_Alive?_

He pulls away.

No, that's not right. Merlin's not— Because of him—

He gasps at the stab of painful memories. Then is this just a dream? Or…?

Merlin sighs as if disappointed. “Of course not. I'm here to ask how your journey is going.”

And even though he knows it makes no difference, he sits up to hide his face, squeezing his eyes shut. “Why do you let me misunderstand?” he whispers, not trusting his voice.

The other sits up as well. “If you hadn't reached lucidity, it would have been a happy dream for you.”

“Only to feel anew the pain of loss when I wake,” is out before he can think better of it — of course Merlin can't relate. “You— Your other self was always like that, too. Taking away nightmares as you see fit, giving good dreams as you see fit, d—” He chokes up. “Disappearing as you see fit…”

“Yes, that does sound like me,” Merlin murmurs, pensive. “Well, as long as you don't say I slept with you as I saw fit—”

“You're horrible,” Romani punctuates it with a smack. “Also horrible. Still horrible. I don't even know anymore. As a person and in reading the room.”

“But look, you've cheered up!” The other winks, patting his cheeks dry with a voluminous white sleeve. “And I suppose my other self wasn't nearly horrible enough if you're afraid he'll be replaced.”

“That's not something you should aspire to!” he cries, reflex. “And you— he was plenty horrible. But he was also… sweet, in his own way.” Unexpectedly, the memories make him smile. “Even if it was for selfish reasons, he always tried to make me happy.”

“Oh?” Merlin shakes out his fluffy hair, and it's iridescent where it catches the light. “So tell me, how did it happen for you?”

“Well, I certainly hope you didn't do anything so reckless here, but we first met during my first lifetime.”

“In person?”

“No, in dreams you— he made sure I wouldn't remember.”

“Ah, and here I was about to ask you how I survived the Counter Force. But you remember them now, don't you?”

“He was the worst,” Romani complains, tone taking on a hint of a whine. “He suppressed my memories of those dreams and confused me!”

“Did I?” Merlin asks nonchalantly.

“I couldn't understand why I wanted to spend more time with someone so insufferable!”

_When he finds himself back in the Command Room as the date cycles forward, Romani sighs._

_It's this dream again. It's always this dream. Even the terror he once felt is dulled by repetition. Now, it's just a pervasive anxiety that haunts every waking moment, that steals the rest from his naps and nights._

_But for the first time, he's not alone._

_“This again?” says a familiar voice beside him, but before he can turn to look, the alarm goes off, and the scene explodes._

_As always, he starts running from Fafnir as soon as he lands, but this time, a warm hand grabs his own to pull him along more quickly, and he looks up to see—_

_“Merlin?!” he gasps, sitting up._

_“Mm…” The cambion stretches out on the bed beside him, and he almost falls off scooting away._

_“W—What are you doing here?!” It comes out more panicked than indignant, and he'll never live this down._

_“Having lunch.” Merlin licks his lips. “I couldn't help but notice you were having such a tasty nightmare.”_

_Romani opens his mouth to protest, then closes it again — he can't give this scummy Caster the satisfaction._

_“Is it always this same dream?”_

_“Yes,” he takes the offered escape route. “Whenever I'm not too tired to dream at all.”_

_“You should get proper rest, Archaman. A lot of people are depending on you.”_

_“Says the one who's not helping,” he retorts sharply. With Merlin's power, they could— no, he must know. There's a reason he's not saying anything, which means…_

_“Well, I just had an excellent idea.” Eyes twinkling, Merlin rolls onto his side, and although it goes unsaid that he thinks all his ideas are excellent, he may as well have said it outright like Leonardo._

_“I don't want to hear it.”_

_The other giggles. “That's too bad. Now that I'm trying to help, you're not interested.”_

_He glances sideways — a mistake because Merlin takes it as a sign of interest, the cue to explain._

_“Nightmares are very nutritious, you know. And if I eat them all, you'll sleep better.”_

_It_ would _be mutually beneficial, certainly, but “Does that mean you'd have to spend the night?”_

_“Ooh...” Silvery eyebrows waggle. “Never thought you'd be the hourly service kind of guy, Roman. Is that why you've never had a girlfriend? D—”_

_“It. Is. Not! And they're entirely different things!”_

_His fluster seems to delight the Magus of Flowers, but Merlin only takes his hand to tug him down. “Come back to sleep, you silly thing. Your alarm rings in a few hours.”_

_Again, he thinks to protest, but it's true he needs the rest, and… there's something… nostalgic about this._

_He closes his eyes._

_He shouldn't have, though._

_Allowing it once made it a habit. Like the routine they fall into of him ensuring that Merlin can't possibly grope him through a blanket cocoon only to wake up snuggled into the other's warmth._

_In hindsight, he should have smacked that self-satisfied grin off the other's face from the very first time, but he'd been too embarrassed to manage more than an awkward “good morning” at the time. Merlin, of course, pecked him on the forehead with a delighted chuckle and said, “Thank you for the meal,” like it was the most natural thing in the world, then promptly all but moved in._

_It's detrimental to his productivity, not to mention the constant irritation can't be good for his health, but even though they quibble ceaselessly, there's something… comforting about it, familiar, an easy honesty that he can't have even with Leonardo, and he doesn't tell Merlin to leave._

_Thus, of course, Merlin disappears anyway._

_And he tries to tell himself he doesn't miss that useless Magus, that leaving Magi☆Mari's channel on all night isn't to fill the sudden silence, and he's just annoyed he has to throw out the flowers in the vase on the nightstand because they've wilted for once… only for that slimeball to show up in the Seventh Singularity as a Servant, of all things. It shouldn't even be possible —he's not dead, so he can't be a Heroic Spirit— but it's just like that vagrant to find some technicality to exploit, and of course he's glad Ritsuka has that could-be-the-Grand-Caster's assistance._

_Of course he is._

_Even if Merlin is an annoying highfalutin inhuman troublemaker, he will preserve the Human Order — for his own self interest, if nothing else. “We will guide them,” he'd said, and it's good he's more than held up his end, but…_

_To think he'd actually—_

Romani stops, shakes himself out of the memory. That time he'd thought Merlin died in no way prepared him for the reality. Feeling his beloved disappear in his arms… he wraps them around himself — even now, it's like a phantom sensation, grasping to preserve the last of the other's warmth.

“Insufferable doesn't look like the word you're thinking of,” Merlin remarks, an arm around his shoulders tugging him into the hybrid's side.

Romani shakes his head, blinking the sting out of his eyes. “It's not fair, is it? Getting close to you because I miss him?”

“It's not fair, is it? Gaining your affections because they're tasty?” Merlin counters, and he laughs, relaxing.

“All is fair in love and war?”

“Sophistry.” The Magus of Flowers pokes his forehead. “You know as well as I do that nothing about life is fair.”

Romani hums his agreement, smiling wistfully — all at once, their similarities both soothe and sharpen the pain, and he doesn't know what he wants from this Merlin. It's possible, he thinks, that they could be happy together, but how much of that would be real? Does it matter?

“How goes your journey through this alternate Russia?” Merlin asks, as if to distract him from his jumbled thoughts.

“Harsh,” he says softly, after a moment's reflection. “There is nothing beyond the struggle to survive. It's good your cloak has high Presence Concealment. Oprichniki and Magical Beasts are everywhere, and there are no normal humans left to blend in with.”

“So where do you now lie asleep and dreaming?”

“In a cave. With a very warm Magical Beast that will hopefully continue not to notice me.”

He lets out a sheepish chuckle, and Merlin rolls violet eyes, sighing, “Fortunately for your self-preservation, it's also designed to transport you back here if it takes too much damage. But you could leave early if there's no way to investigate anything.”

“No, I overheard some information about a Tree. It'll be difficult to reach, but I'd like to try having a look for myself.”

“Very well then.” The surroundings blur, and Merlin tucks stray locks behind his ears. “You're waking up. I'll see you again.”

It's cold when he wakes in the cave, cold in more ways than one. He can still feel Merlin's lingering touch on his face, the warm weight of the arm around his shoulders — as close as the fading dream, yet as distant as another life.

Romani stands and stretches — simply ruminating is meaningless. Better to complete his investigation here and hurry back to Avalon — maybe he'll figure things out along the way.

The Magical Beast seems to have left for the day, so he tentatively slips out, wrapping the cloak more tightly around himself in the endless snow.

Time to find a way closer to that Tree.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! ♡
> 
> As always, I love comments, and it is never too late to share your thoughts!


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